You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
