We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
