There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
