We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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