so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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