one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize