Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
