Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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