I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
