i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
