I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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