I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
