yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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