I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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