I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
