his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
