Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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