hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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