Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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