sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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