What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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