You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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