Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
tell me about the fingering
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