Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
