During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
