while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
