He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
