covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
