Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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