the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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