tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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