Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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