2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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