Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
