so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
