ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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