you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
