did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
