she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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