apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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