I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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