Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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