i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
