And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
