Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
