I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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