Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
