cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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