the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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