its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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