So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
