my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dick has a subreddit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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