wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
