Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
that may or may not have been my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
