i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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