Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
