i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
