I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
