New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it glows. i had to have it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
