Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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