Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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