I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
