know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
