Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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