No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
