Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
