I hate your face
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
