That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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