i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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