i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize